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greetings NASA it's me Stephen Colbert

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and I just want to congratulate you on a

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great year your dramatic pictures from

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Cassini finding water on Mars and your

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dramatic discovery of a new

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administration that believes in science

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though I urge you to never give up on

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President Bush's bold challenge before

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this decade is out we must launch a

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probe to find out if there's oil in

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heaven and it's been a great year for me

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too

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I of course was the winner of your

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online note naming competition despite

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my coming in first place in the popular

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vote you name the node tranquility yeah

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that'll scare the aliens they're not

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gonna mess with Earth now we might get

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all relaxed at them but I was still

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honored to receive the traditional NASA

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consolation prize a space treadmill I

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couldn't be prouder that my treadmill

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will soon be installed on the

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International Space Station to help

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finally slim down all those chubby

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astronauts let's face it being

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weightless is mostly just a desperate

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bid to get away from that bathroom scale

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every morning but you guys and gals are

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ambassadors to the universe don't make

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us look bad put down the astronaut ice

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cream tubby tubby tubby 2x4 couldn't fit

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through the airlock door

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it's Buzz Aldrin not but all dread so

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hit the combined operational

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load-bearing external resistance

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treadmill or call bear but remember to

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stretch out first because in space no

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one can hear you pull a hammy now in

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closing I just want to say we are all

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huge fans here and it has been a true

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honor to make merciless fun of you this

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year now this is Stephen Colbert saying